If I squint real hard I think I can see that silver lining...

What a day it has been already. I know some of you are waiting to hear how it went this morning with the Early Steps lady. Let me just tell you, I think I have either not been listening during this whole process, or else have been mis-informed on some level (I'll go for the latter since in his paperwork they didn't even have his birthday right to start out).

I guess this program works on the fact that the kid has to go through this big test to find out what deficits they have before the Early Steps program can determine what services they need. Clearly, my child needs speech therapy. It's not something that is hard to tell. He's 2 1/2. He doesn't speak well, or really much at all. It's not rocket science folks. Well, I'm sure you remember from previous posts that we'd gone to Gainesville for the big evaluation and Waylon did not cooperate. So the lady that is coming out to my house now, I found out today, is not a speech therapist. She is with the Early Steps program and her job is to come to my house, try to get the big test done, and report back to Early Steps her findings and then they will determine what services Waylon needs. Today did not go so well. Well, I guess it could've been worse, but overall, it wasn't great. It takes Way a while to warm up to people, he's not super comfortable with strangers, never has been. We were able to get him to do a few things, but there is still a large portion of the test that he has to get through. Everything left on the test are things that he has to physically do himself. If he is feeling stubborn and won't do it (I can't imagine where that streak would come from, oh no, not my child), then he gets marked off that he can't, which then leads them to determine he is developmentally delayed and wins him a ticket to Pre-K when he turns 3. The good thing about this big ol' cloud (I am really trying to see the silver lining) is that for as long as he has this "developmental delay" label, we don't have to pay for him to go to school. The bad thing, in my mind, is that it is a label, and no one wants their kid to be the special needs kid, or one of the "low" kids in the class. My mom assures me that she sees this alot, and alot of these kids are just like Waylon with a little "performance anxiety" and then they get to school, get comfortable, and Hey!! They're not as delayed as everyone thought. I also hate that fact that he'll turn 3 in June, then start school full-time in August. Whoa. That freaks me out. This is a kid that has never been in daycare, never stayed with anyone he doesn't know & only stayed in nursery a couple of times (cause he's so darn good in church). I know he'll probably be fine, but in my momma heart, I'm scared for him of the shock of going from being home in his own environment to going to big school all day, 5 days a week. This is something we will definitely need to discuss at his transition meeting at TES. I know that if he truly needs help, I want to get it for him, and maybe I'm being selfish in the fact that I don't want him to be "that kid", and I probably underestimate his ability to adapt to a new situation. It's hard though, as a mom, as I'm sure most of you know, to realize that it's not all sunshine and roses, and my perfect little boy is having trouble.

This was Waylon's attitude for most of the visit today!

So, after all the testing was done for today, she said that she'd be back next week, and we'd be her last appointment for the day and she would be able to spend more time and see what we could get out of him. Mom has also volunteered to take Mr. Smarty Pants Show Off Wyatt (who, by the way, wanted to do all the things that Ms. Becca wanted Waylon to do, and did them well) to get him out of the house so that Waylon could maybe concentrate a little better and not be so distracted by his brother. It seemed like after Ms. Becca had been here an hour this morning, Waylon finally started to warm up and wanted to get into her box of toys. So, maybe next week will be better and we can get this ball rolling for real. By the way, I have changed my opinion of Ms. Becca. I am now thinking I'm going to like her, she does work well with Waylon and she doesn't try to push him or make him more uncomfortable. She has a kind heart and was very comforting when I had my (mild) teary breakdown while she was here this morning. (She has also made some comments to me that lead me to believe that she thinks the way they run this program is a little screwy too.)

My big problem with all this is that I worry way too much!! I get so stressed out at what might happen, or what the plan for him is going to be. I started a Beth Moore bible study last night at church and today's homework was about how Satan tries to get to believers even in ways you don't even realize. That sneaky devil is wrapping himself around my thoughts and getting me all stressed out where I need to be giving it to God and not worrying at all. I know that all of this is in His plan, and He already knows what is going to transpire. I just need to sit back, have faith, and trust.