It's possible that pressure means you just have to "go"

Most of you know that I work in Labor & Delivery. As you can imagine, we see and hear some pretty amazing things, not necessarily amazing as in like, awestruck, but amazing as in "good Lord, are these people really procreating?!?" Hope you all enjoy!

#1-A young girl comes in to L&D in a wheelchair, complaining of abdominal pain. It went something like this:
Me: Hey there, what's going on?
Her: I been having these pains down here in my belly.
Me: Is this your first baby?
Her: Yes
Me: How far along are you?
Her: 17 weeks
Me: OK, well, are you hurting now?
Her: No, but I just wanted to be sure that everything was ok with the baby, because I couldn't feel her heartbeat today.
Me: *sitting here with puzzled look on my face*
Her: You know, like I can put my hand on my belly and feel like a double heartbeat, you know, mine & hers.
Me: OK, well let's just take a little listen and make sure the baby's ok

Wow, never knew you could do that "feeling of the heartbeat" thing. Hmmm....anyway, it was determined that she was having some ligament pain and she went home.

#2- A woman came in at 36 weeks pregnant with her 3rd baby, huffing and puffing, stating she thought her water broke and was having so much pressure and the baby was coming NOW!! We rush her to the room where we notice, first of all, her bottom is dry (hence her water may not really be broken) check her cervix and find she is 1cm dilated and the baby's head is so high we can barely reach it. But she still insists there's SO MUCH PRESSURE!! The Dr then wants to do a speculum exam to see if she has indeed broken her bag of water. The Dr sits down, is about to put the speculum in when the pt says, "See, it's coming out again!" Yeah, she was having lots of fluid pouring out, but in the form of, you guessed it, urine. The bad thing is, she had brought her & his whole family along. Great, now your whole family knows you need to poop and you pee on yourself. Wonderful.

#3-*Note: If any of you EVER come in with a birth plan, I will not claim you*
With that said, do not bring in a birth plan. If you're having a baby, and you're coming to the hospital, we will try to be as accommodating as possible, but bottom line, our priority is the safety of you and your baby. If you want to be all granola, go to a birth center. You came to the hospital for a reason, so you'd be there in case of an emergency. We have rules to follow. Don't come in preaching about how you don't want an IV. No one beats down the door asking for IV's, we know you don't WANT one, but too bad, it's non-negotiable. Don't gripe and complain about our monitoring system. We want to be able to make sure your baby's safe in there. Once again, we follow rules. We don't care if you wear your own clothes during labor, but they're gonna get nasty. Labor & delivery are generally not clean. Plus, when you do end up getting that epidural that you DON'T WANT, anesthesia won't let you wear your own clothes. You might as well put the gown on now. All of those other things you say you don't want, well if you're that adamant about not having them, go ahead and sign up for them. Just for having that "plan" pretty much means karma is gonna bite you in the butt and you'll end up with every possible intervention, and a c-section. Along these lines....don't take everything you read on the internet or every "baby story" you see on TV to heart. A little ignorance is healthy I think.

#4-A girl comes in in labor, most of her pain is in her back. The nurse goes to put the monitor on and the girl's mom says, "No, you need to put the contraction monitor on her back, because that's where she hurts."

#5-One of my favorite questions that (surprisingly) we get alot. "I've changed the diaper, I've fed her, why is she still crying?" Ummm...maybe because she's a BABY?!?

#6-A woman comes in (with a birth plan and surprisingly has made it without interventions). She is pushing on her hands and knees and starting to poop as the baby is coming out. The nurse is trying to keep things clean, and the woman yells "Get your finger out of my butt!!!!" Fine, poop on your baby's head. See if we care. (By the way, for inquiring minds, the nurse's finger was NOT in the pt's butt.)

#7- A woman has her baby, and the baby is having some difficulty breathing. They take the baby over to the warmer where they're having to give him oxygen and bag and mask. The woman keeps insisting that we give her her baby so he can breastfeed. Umm, last time I checked it's sort of more important to be able to breathe rather than be able to eat, right?!?

Fun times in LDRP for sure...