Things They Say

I’ve been meaning to do a “Things the Boys Say” post for a while now, so let’s see what I can remember off the top of my head (I’ve seriously got to start writing this stuff down!)  Warning:  This one is a little long!

So, we found out at the last eye doctor appointment that Waylon’s vision had gotten worse.  He now has to wear a patch over his good eye for 2 hours a day.  He has been doing so good with it, but one day, I guess he had had enough.  When I went to put the eye patch on, he put his hands on his hips, gave me the stink eye and said, “Mommy.  I am a kindergartener, and kindergarteners do NOT wear eye patches!!”  OK then…he also uses his high kindergarten status to torment his brother, “Wyatt you are only 4 and you are not in kindergarten.  You are too little…”

If any of you read Tania’s blog, then you probably already read this, but I’m gonna copy it from her because I thought it was funny! 

As we were walking down an aisle this lady says to Waylon, "I like your glasses." His response was, "They’re not glasses, they’re my windshield." I didn't know if I should laugh or try to explain. He then puts his fingers at the bottom of the lens and says, "Here are my wipers." She gave a little laugh and said that he was very cute and should be on TV.

One day, Wyatt was standing in the kitchen and Waylon ran by and swatted him on the way to my bedroom.  Wyatt immediately started to whine about it and I told him to hush, that it was just a love tap.  I could see the wheels turning and he took off into my bedroom.  The next thing I hear is a loud whack and Waylon fussing and Wyatt telling him, “That was just a love tap!!”

A few weeks ago, the boys brought home a goldfish from Wee Church.  We named him Gill and he had a happy little life in his little bowl on our counter for a whole 5 days.  Upon the passing of Gill, the boys and their Daddy had a fish funeral for Gill while I was at work.  They spoke a few nice words about Gill, said a prayer, then Wyatt poured him in the toilet.  As Wyatt flushed him, Jesse said, “Goodbye Gill, may you rest in peace.”  About that time, Waylon completely lost it in a fit of giggles…apparently when you flush a goldfish and someone says, “Rest in peace,”  to a 5 year old it sounds an awful lot like, “Rest in pee.”  Goodness gracious…

And my favorite:

I took the boys to the Dr. last Friday to get their school physicals.  Let me add in here that we absolutely LOVE our pediatrician and her staff.  We especially love Sarah (the nurse), and she loves to act the fool and pick at the boys every time they come in.  You never know what she’s going to come up with and we just love her and her sense of humor.  I’m warning you though, her humor and mine run along the same lines…some of you may disagree, but I thought it was hilarious.  Here’s the conversation between Sarah (the nurse) and the boys:

Sarah:  Ok Wyatt, I need to ask you some serious questions.

Wyatt: OK

Sarah:  How old are you"?

Wyatt:  Four

Sarah:  Do you smoke cigarettes?

Wyatt (puzzled by the way):  No…

Sarah:  Do you drink beer?

Wyatt:  No…

Sarah:  Does your Mommy hit you?

Wyatt:  No…

Sarah:  OK, good.  Waylon, I need to talk to you…Waylon, how old are you?

Waylon:  Five

Sarah:  Do you smoke cigarettes?

Waylon:  Yes.

Sarah:  OK, so how many cigarettes do you smoke in a day?  1 or 20 or…how many?

Waylon:  20.

Sarah:  So you’re a pack a day smoker, ok.  So do you drink beer?

Waylon: Yes

Sarah:  How much beer do you drink a day?

Waylon: One

Sarah:  Does your Mommy hit you?

Waylon:  Yes.

Sarah:  Do you feel like you smoke and drink to escape the pain of the abuse your Mommy is inflicting on you?

Waylon:  Yes.

Oh. My. Lord.  By this point, I was in tears I was laughing so hard!!  Waylon had no idea what he was even telling fibs about!!  What am I going to do with these boys?!?!